Are You My Mother?

Samantha, Samantha, Samantha.... Where to even begin here? Well, I will start off by saying that my mother is the strongest person I know, hands down. She has had her fair share of "stuff" and everyone does, but she's different. She has the most amazing courage that shines through even when she is sad or angry. I have never seen her hang her head during a moment that most would consider "tough".

She went back to school at Oklahoma State, when I was in third grade and my dad was getting his doctorate, and finished with a psychology degree and a sociology degree. I used to read her textbooks when I was bored and ended up getting a lot out of them. I developed a real interest in psychology and my mom and I developed a real knack for talking psychology.

We lean on each other a lot because our heads are hardwired the same. We both have a different way of thinking than most and it can be really taxing. My mom has been through some of the stuff I am currently going through so having her as a reference and as support makes me really lucky. 

It is not out of the norm, in fact it is almost expected, anymore that people tell us one of the following:

1. "You guys look SO much alike!"

2. "You and your mom/daughter act so much alike!"

3. "You guys are hilarious together!"

It isn't easy to try and express my mom and I's relationship and it is incredibly challenging. Apparently this is validation to the phrase, "you just have to see it to grasp it". I could never ask for a better mom, and even if I could, I wouldn't. Obviously after 20 years it would be fair to label my mom as someone who "gets" me, but it is much deeper than that. 

We can read each other like a book and I obtained her ability to think with feelings. She has taught me how to do so much and I cannot express the gratitude I have for her. She is ALWAYS there to support me whether it was swimming or being involved in school or getting a good grade on an exam, she is one of the first to pat me on the back. 

With others, gaining approval consists of getting a smile and a "congrats!" but my mom really lets my success ruminate for a while and she fuels to fire because I think it makes her happy to see me proud of myself. She always says that I am so hard on myself, which of upmost truth. I know where that came from and it wasn't from her, but she is always there to flush the salt I threw into my own wounds out (figuratively, of course). 

I am doing such an awful job explaining how amazing and influential she is to myself and many others. I don't want to stand on a soap box and preach endlessly about something that is better observed through actions than words. 

Me when I was younger-

Mom when she was younger- 

Just a little something for her- 

Mom, 

Words cannot explain what you have done for me. Yes, there has been negative, but the immense amount of positive is more than enough to counter it. The lessons are ones that I have blessed with. Every hard time and every struggle has taught me something that someone else may never learn. It might hurt and it might not be fun at the time, but I will make it. I miss the heck out of you and wish it was easier for me to come home, especially lately. I HATE thinking about when I have to be without you, in fact it makes me sick to my stomach because how scared I am of that. But, I love you and we will all be okay in the end, if it isn't okay, it isn't the end. You have been such a tremendous part in the making of 

the person that I am today and so I owe this blog and 

the contents to you and all you have done for me.

Love you, 

Shel